The Morning Call from Allentown, Pennsylvania • 62

THE MORNING CALL SUNDAY. AUGUST 2. 1998 EDDINQS Government guidelines weigh in on the side of fat Thompson-Mlkias Roxanne Adele ILVlas and John Lee Thompson were married yesterday in Holy Family Catholic Church. Nazareth. Kaufman-Krause Jennifer A.

Krause and Edward E. Kaufman were mamed yesterday in Neffs Evangelical Lutheran Church. Ann E. Krause. sister of the bride, was maid of honor and Kenneth P.

Kaufman, the bride-groom'f brother, was best fnan, rJkklas-Rupinski Christine "Tina" Rupinski and Thomas Cart Nicklas were married yesterday in Our Lady of Hungary Catholic Church. Northampton. Karen Marchetto was ber sister's matron of honor and James Nicklas, brother of the bridegroom, was best man. Parents of the couple Dav Barry Rosalie Miklas and Rebecca Miklas. sisters of the bride; Christopher Miller and Jerry Johnson were attendants.

7 1 Today I have an extremely important topic to discuss with you, but before I decide what it is. 1 need to "set the record straight" on something: In a recent column, I made a statement that turned out to be Parents of the couple are Mr. and Mrs. Robert J. Krause of Sch-necksville and Mr.

and Mrs. Edwin E. Kaufman of Ambler. The bride, who graduated from Parkland High School and Vilianova University, is a registered nurse for the University of Pennsylvania Health System. The bridegroom, who graduated from Wissahickon High School and West Chester University, is a product engineer with Heraeus Electro-Nite in Philadelphia.

The newlyweds will live in Philadelphia. Hottzman-Lutte are Kir. and Mrs. George Rupinski of Whitehall and Mr. and Mrs.

Joseph Nicklas of Catasauqua. The bride, who graduated from Whitehall High School and East Stroudsburg University, is an elementary teacher in Whitehall School District The bridegroom, who graduated from Catasauqua High School and Northampton Community College, is employed at the Connell Funeral Home Inc. They will live in Northampton. Arthofer-Miller Parents of the couple are Mr. and Mrs.

Robert Miklas of Nazareth and Mr. and Mrs. William Thompson of Nazareth. The bride, a graduate of Nazareth High School, received a bachelor's and a master's degree from East Stroudsburg University. She is employed in Pleasant Valley School District The bridegroom, an Easton High School graduate, is employed by Rexroth Corp.

Also both are employed at Miklas Realty. Groner-Keim the federal government, an institution that encompasses not only Newt Gingrich, but also both of President Clinton's thighs, is setting standards for body weight The answer can be found in the UJS. Constitution, which states that the primary function of the government is. quote, "to constantly think up rules and guidelines that no real person can understand. let alone follow." The shining federal example is of course the Internal Revenue Service, which has done such a fine job that as of 1997.

only nine US citizens were in full compliance with all tax regulations, and six of those people perished while undergoing the IRS' new "Jungle Challenge" auditing program. So anyway, several years ago. the National Institutes of Health was alarmed to discover that under the federal body-weight guidelines, only one-third of all Americans were classified as overweight This meant that a shocking TWO-THIRDS of Americans were within federal weight guidelines, which is a flagrant violation of federal guidelines regarding federal guidelines. And so the N1H convened a panel of experts in the Washington, D.C., area, convening a panel of experts is easier than getting a pizza delivered and they came up with a new, much stricter, set of guidelines, under which, to quote the N1H report, "basically every U.S. citizen, living or dead, is classified as overweight except the woman who plays Monica on These guidelines are based on something called the "Body Mass Index," which is calculated really by dividing body weight in kilograms by height in meters Hrl Trad M.

Keim and Scott W. Groner were married April 18 in First Baptist Church, Perkasie. Candace Cressman was maid of honor and Joseph Giacini was best man. The bride is a daughter of Yvonne Keim of Quakertown and the late L. Thomas Keim.

Mr. and Brenda Ann Miller and Brian Scott Arthofer were married June 6 in Bethany Bible Fellowship Church, Bath. Carol Ann Santos, the bride's aunt was matron of honor. Douglas Arthofer, the bridegroom's brother, was best friary The bride is a daugh Michele Lutte and Richard A. Holtzman were married May 30 in St Paul's Catholic Church, Allentown.

Sheila Kathleen (Alder) Savitsky, cousin of the bride, was matron of honor and Randy Holtzman, the bridegroom's brother, was best man. Mr. and Mrs. Thomas Mrs. William Groner, also of Quakertown, are the bridegroom's parents.

A graduate of Christopher Dock High School and Geneva College, the bride is employed by Lonnie A. Coombs, CPA. The bridegroom, who graduated from Quakertown Community High School and Allentown College of St Francis de Sales, is employed at Quakertown National Bank. ter of Lisa Miller Mark-well of Kentucky and the late Frank L. Miller, who lived in Phillipsburg, N.J.

The bride, who completed her high school education in Kentucky, is self-employed. The bridegroom is a son of Mr. and Mrs. Albert Arthofer of Bath. A graduate of Northampton High School, Arthofer is also self-employed.

They live in Bath. Scala-Tamburini J. Ackerman of Allentown and Mr. and Mrs. Richard C.

Holtzman, also of Allentown, are the couple's parents. The bride is a graduate of Central Catholic High School and a recent graduate of Allentown Business School The bridegroom, who graduated from Allen High School is employed by the City of Allentown. They live in Allentown. Moser-Dillon Jennifer Leigh and Ronald N. inaccurate.

Yes. Although the error was corrected by a few alert editors, many newspapers, tragically, did not catch it My statement was that Gleem toothpaste used to have an ingredient called "Gardol" which created an Invisible Protective Shield that deflected baseballs. This is simply not true. It was actually COLGATE toothpaste that had GardoL I am not sure what Gleem had in the way of a cavity-fighter. I know it wasn't Bucky Beaver, because he was affiliated with Ipana toothpaste, although eventually he developed a drinking problem and wound up working in porno cartoons.

I'm thinking maybe Gleem had that obnoxious little tooth who was always getting tied to the railroad tracks by Mister Tooth Decay. But I don't want to speculate on this until I have all the facts. Why am I so concerned about accuracy? Because American journalism which had already sunk to the same level of public trust as Charles Manson recently had a series of embarrassing incidents in which writers for respected magazines and newspapers simply made up quotations and sources. The most prominent example was The Washington Post, which on June 24 was forced to print a front-page Statement admitting that there is not, nor has there ever been, any fMarion Barry." In an effort to find out what's behind this disturbing trend of reporters inventing sources, I interviewed the president of The American Association of Journalists, Warren P. Cormorant Jr.

"Why do journalists make up sources and quotations?" Cormorant asked rhetorically, as he leaned back in his worn leather chair and idly scratched his scalp with a Dorrito shard. "I'll tell you why. Because when we interview real people, they talk too fast for us to write it down, plus they never say anything interesting. I know for a fact that Kenneth Starr is a hermaphrodite." Be that as it may, my point is that this column is dedicated to giving you, as accurately as possible, the information that you need to lead an informed, productive and happy life, which is why today I am pleased to report that, according to guidelines recently adopted by the federal government regarding body weight, the odds are that you, personally, are a big wad of fat. Perhaps you are wondering why Henrich-Rubalcava Monica M.

Rubalcava and Joseph C. Henrich were married June 1 in the Carnegie Library on the Holiday Cruise Ship at the Port of San Pedro, Calif. The bride, a daughter of Mr. and Mrs. Michael Miliken of Diamond Springs, is a graduate of Ponderosa High Christine A.

Dillon and Christopher J. Moser were married May 9 in St. Nicholas Catholic Church, Berlins ville. Denise M. Dillon, sister of the bride; Samantha Dillon, the bride's daughter; Kevin Konopolsky and Michael Moser, the bridegroom's nephew, attended the couple.

Scala were married June 27 in St. Ann's Catholic Church, Emma us. Yvette Schreve, the bride's aunt, was matron of honor and Greg Scala, the bridegroom's brother, was best man. The bride, a daughter of Mr. and Mrs.

Peter ml The bride is a daughter of Mr. and Mrs. Thomas P. Dillon of Walnutport. The bridegroom is a son of Barbara Strobl of Allentown and David Moser of Whitehall.

Tamburini of Lower Nazareth Township, is a graduate of Nazareth High School. She is employed by Ehrlich Pest ControL The bridegroom is a son of Ronald Scala of Wampum, Lawrence County, and the late Patricia Scala. A graduate of Mohawk High School in Wampum, Scala is employed by Pitt Ohio Express Inc. of Center Valley. They live in The bride is employed by Paris Accessories School in Shingle Springs, and received her bachelor's degree in May from the University of Redlands in California.

The bridegroom is a son of Sandra Bakes of Macungie and Thomas and Diane Henrich of Breinigsville. A graduate of Emmaus High School and the University of Connecticut, Henrich received a master's degree from the University of Redlands. They live in Macungie. Otero-Washburn Inc. squared.

This makes for a perfect federal guideline, because nobody in the United States knows what either a "meter" or a "kilogram" is. The whole reason why we fought the Cold War was so we wouldn't have to learn the metric system. Most of us could never in a million years figure out our own Body Mass Index, so it's only a matter of time before the Internal Revenue Service requires us to include it on our tax returns. But the point is that if you're an American, you're overweight. The question is: Who is responsible? I interviewed the U.S.

Surgeon General about this, and he or she told me: "I blame food. It's everywhere! Some mornings I wake up and there are Snickers bars in bed with me! I'm taking up smoking." You may rest assured that we here in journalism will keep you updated on this important story until we get bored with it later today. Meanwhile, we ask that you help "keep us on our toes" by reporting any inaccuracies you find in this column, or anywhere else, to the publisher of this newspaper, Citizen Kane. Who by the way could stand to lose a few kilograms. Dave Barry is a humor columnist for The Miami Herald.

Write to him in care of Tropic Magazine, The Miami Herald, 1 Herald Plaza, Miami, Fla. 33132. The bridegroom is employed by a paving company. Ziegenfuss-Johnson Frack-Oswald Crystal Oswald and in Darnel Frack were married June 6 at Kemps in Bowers. Nikki Miller, the Laura Mattie Washburn and Simeon Eudes Otero exchanged wedding vows June 27 in St.

Paul's Lutheran Church, Catasauqua. Gloria Scheetz, Kelly Shipwash, Scott Markham and Robbie Lopez attended the couple. The bride is a daugh Donna Marie Johnson and Lance Blaire Ziegen-fuss were married May 9 in Trinity Evangelical Lutheran Church, Heck-town. Cindy Onulack was her sister's matron of honor and Kuno Stadlemann Jr. was best man.

The bride, a daughter of Mr. and Mrs. George bride's sister, and Matt Frack, brother of the bridegroom, were Mr. and Mrs. Richard Eisenhard of Topton and Mr.

and Mrs. Leonard Frack of Macungie are the couple's parents. The bride and bridegroom are Brandywine ter of Alma Torres of Ger-mansville and Lester Washburn of Allentown. The bridegroom is a son of Mr. and Mrs.

Victor Otero of Allentown. The bride, a graduate of Northwestern High School is employed by Keystone Bank. The bridegroom, an Allen High School graduate, is employed at Burlington Coat Factory and by Wal-Mart. Johnson of Nazareth, is a graduate of Nazareth High School. She is employed by Pentamation Enterprises Inc.

The bridegroom is a son of Shirley Ziegen-fuss of Bethlehem and Harold Ziegenf uss of Ocala, Fla. A Liberty High School graduate, Ziegenfuss is employed by Crafco Inc. They live in Catasauqua. High School graduates. The bride is employed at Lehigh Center and the bridegroom is employed at Off the Wall Inc.

in Telford. STROLOC forecast They live in Allentown. Leszcynski-Allen Tracy Allen and Michael Leszcynski were married June 20 in Wesley United Methodist Church, Bethlehem. Kimberly Allen was her sister's maid of honor and Robert Moses, the bride's uncle, was best man. Parents of the bride are Mr.

and Mrs. Richard Henn-Caudy Michelle Ann Caudy and Robert John Henn exchanged wedding vows June 12 at the Meadows in Hellertown. Marcie Henn, the bridegroom's sister, and Neil D. Henn, brother of the bridegroom, were attendants. The bride is a daughter of Mildred Pearson of Judd-Hatch Jennifer M.

Hatch and Teran L. Judd were married May 24 in St. Thomas More Catholic Church, Allentown. Danielle Barnett was maid of honor and Brendan Caldwell was best man. Parents of the couple are Mr.

and Mrs. John Hatch of Allentown and 31 Anchorage, Alaska, and the late Darryl Pearson. The bridegroom is a son of Mr. and Mrs. Robert Henn of Bethlehem The bride is a graduate of Service High School in Anchorage and Travel Academy, also in Anchorage.

Henn is a graduate of Saucon Valley High School and Upper Bucks County Technical School. Both are employed by Lynden Air Cargo in Anchorage, where the bride is an operations agent and the bridegroom is a mechanic foreman. They live in Wasilla, Alaska. Mr. and Mrs.

Terry Judd of Dumfries, Va. The bride, who graduated from Parkland High School and the Catholic University of America, is a biomedical engineer at the Walter Reed Army Institute of Research in Washington, D.C. The bride is completing graduate studies at Johns Hopkins University. The bridegroom, who graduated from Bishop Ireton High School in Alexandria and Catholic University of America, is an assistant general manager at Homestead Village Hotel in Germantown, where the newlyweds live. Allen of Shrewsbury, N.J.

The bridegroom is a son of Georgine Leszcynski of Bethlehem and the late Joseph R. Leszcynski A graduate of Red Bank Regional High School and East Stroudsburg University, the bride is an infant supervisor at Daycare in the Park. The bridegroom, who graduated from Liberty High School, received a bachelor's degree from Moravian College and from Allentown College of St. Francis de Sales. Leszcynski is a fourth-grade teacher at DeFranco Elementary School in Bangor.

They live in Bethlehem. LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Power play. Take off kid gloves, come out slugging.

Those who played fast and loose with your money will be made to pay dear price. Legal prosecution may be necessary. SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Universal recognition if you persist don't stop now.

Individual from foreign land seeks to represent your talents, products. Proposition deserves serious consideration. SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Whatever you desire will be fulfilled in surprising, dramatic, colorful fashion.

Cycle high, make fresh start in new direction. People comment, "You look different you sure are sexy." CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Secret arrangements revolve around sale or purchase of property, home. Cancer native will be on your side during tough negotiations.

Sumptuous dinner seafood as you like it. AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Diversify, experiment, explore wish fulfilled; you will gain powerful allies. In matters of speculation, stick with number 3.

You could receive gift involving sea cruise. PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Accent the positive, eliminate the negative. Individual important to your career, business will state, "Frankly, we need you." Be willing to revise, review, sharpen copy. IF AUG.

2 IS YOUR BIRTHDAY: You are a blend of conservative and, at times, radical ideas. You also are sensitive and emotional, and can be family-oriented, though at times you dream of faraway By SYDNEY OMARR Taurus Publishing Giant: Donald Graham, son of legendary publisher Katherine Graham, is a Taurus who is fast becoming known as a publishing giant. He made sure he started at the bottom, working in all areas of his mother's empire. Various aspects in his chart indicate separation from one or both parents; his father committed suicide. Donald Graham has been described as an unassuming and personable executive who shuns excessive displays of wealth.

He will undergo vigorous emotional and career pressure during September. ARIES (March 21-April 19): Speak up in forthright manner concerning religious-metaphysical subjects. Key is to take initiative, imprint style, make room for love. Cancer native plays role. TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Make light of one who speaks loudly, has nothing to say.

Focus on secret ways and means. Individual who would be partner is not telling entire truth. Gemini represented. GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Proofread material hidden clause could create legal ruckus. Be thorough, be aware of references that are not valid.

Spotlight on publicity, marital status. CANCER (June 21-July 22): Check Gemini message for added wisdom Mercury keynote indicates importance of written material be sure your signature is not being borrowed. Virgo plays top role. LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Accent harmony, music, domestic adjustment that could include change of residence, marital status.

Creative endeavor will succeed give it your all. Tables turn; Taurus becomes your ally. (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Study Leo message.

Former enemy becomes friend in a most unusual manner. Spotlight on who is telling the truth. Another Virgo backs you as a result, victory. Pisces also involved. NNIVERSARIES and Mrs.

Kramer are also parents of Barry of Slatington, Donna of Coopersburg and Richard of Pttsburgh. They have five grandchildren. The Kramers were married in Springfield Church of the Brethren in Passer, Bucks County, they are members of Calvary Bible Fellowship Church, Coopersburg. Kramer was employed at Southern Lehigh School District before retiring in 1 993. Mrs.

Kramer was formerly employed at Wills Hall, Allentown College of St. Francis de Sales. GEHRINGER Francis and Dolores (Armbuster) Gehringer of Allentown celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary Friday. They were married in St. Philip and St.

James Church in Phillipsburg, N.J. A dinner was given for the couple at the American Legion in Fullerton. Gehringer, who retired from Western Electric, is a World War II Navy veteran. Mr. and Mrs.

Gehringer are parents of Michael of Catasauqua, Kathy of Whitehall, Stephen of Allentown, John of Catasauqua, Dorothy of Walnutport, David, who serves in the Navy, ana Fred of Whitehall. There are 1 0 grandchildren and six Texas, and Rita and David Fistner of Bethlehem; son and daughter-in-law, Geoffrey C. and Gail of Hellertown, and daughter, Kathy Moyer of Allentown. In attendance were 1 2 grandchildren and six great-grandchildren. The couple, who marked their anniversary on Feb.

21 were married in St. Paul's Evangelical and Reformed Church, now Trinity United Church of Christ, Bethlehem. Baer worked for Mowrers Dairy for 1 7 years and retired from Bethlehem Steel Corp. after 1 8 years of employment. He is working for Coordinated Health Systems.

Before retirement, Mrs. Baer owned and operated Esther's Beauty Shoppe for 35 years. BEIL Frederick and Anita Beil of Whitehall celebrated their 40th wedding anniversary yesterday. A surprise party was given for the couple at the West Coplay Maennerchor by their son, Thomas daughter and son-in-law, LeAnn and William A. Focht, and Melissa Licini.

Before retirement, Beil was employed by Service America. Mrs. Beil is employed at Family Dentistry, Whitehall. SIPICS James and Bonnie (Yost) Sipics of Catasauqua celebrated their 25th wedding anniversary on July 8. They have two daughters, Melame and Michelle.

A Mass was said for the couple at St. Mary's Catholic Church, Catasauqua, followed by a breakfast at the Dockside Inn, North Catasauqua. Also, the couple was feted at a dinner at the Willows in East Texas. Sipics is employed by Bucks Development Contracting Corp. Mrs.

Sipics is employed by Dr. Jay E. Melman. places. Current cycle relates to new FARTMER Ronald and Mary Farner of Catasauqua celebrated their 40th wedding anniversary on July 18 at a dinner at the Holiday Inn, Bethlehem, given by their children, Kim Roadarmel of Mechanicsburg, Randy Farner of Aliso Viejo, Calif, and Robin Miller of Hellertown.

The couple, who will mark their anniversary on Aug. 23, have four grandchildren. sensations, experiences, love. You have natural ability to please, could be master salesperson. Capricorn, Cancer people play leading roles in your life, could have these letters, initials in names: T.

September most exciting. Los Angeles Tunes Syndicate KRAMER Forrest and Charmaine (Fenstermacher) Kramer of Coopersburg celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary on July 3 at a garden party at the home of their son and daughter-in-law, Gary and Georgine Kramer of Coopersburg. Mr. BAER Charles and Esther (Graber) Baer of Bethlehem celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary on July 10 at a dinner party and dance at trie Meadows in Hellertown. The event was given by the couple's daughters and sons-in-law, Roily and Gloria Lumpkins of Mason, 4.